Remembering September 11, 2001

As I think about 9/11, I remember where I was that morning – with Jason on a United flight bound for San Francisco. Here’s an excerpt from Magical Shrinking about our experience:

On September 11, 2001, we have an early flight out of Baltimore, and I’m tired. I nap on the plane, and a couple hours into our flight I wake up to the captain talking about terrorist activity. He says he’s landing the plane in Lincoln, Nebraska.

I’m groggy and it doesn’t make any sense. I look out the window and we’re close to landing. I can’t imagine what could have happened in America that would cause our flight to land. There’s a buzz on the plane, and the minute we land people are on their cell phones trying to find out what happened.

Once deplaned, we aren’t sure what to do. We doubt it’ll be very long before we’re allowed to get back on the plane. I walk toward the front of the terminal to go outside for a cigarette and pass a television with an image of a World Trade Center tower collapsing. I stand there for a moment in disbelief. Surely I didn’t see that correctly. I call my grandmother. She tells me the events of the morning. The World Trade towers have collapsed, a plane has hit the Pentagon, something about another plane. I’m too overwhelmed with information.

First I go out to have my cigarette, and a couple other people are out there, too. They’re saying that all planes are being grounded. I start to cry because of the enormity of the situation, and the loss of lives. I also feel a sense of panic about our own situation, in the airport in Lincoln. What’s going to happen now?

I call my parents. My father answers and wants to talk to me about all of this. I let him. Even hearing it repeatedly I find it hard to process. He says he’ll tell my mother I called. She’s on her way to their place because the City of Los Angeles has sent their employees home. I’ll call them back later when I have more information about what’s going to happen to us.

I rejoin Jason at the gate, where we wait until someone from United Airlines tells us we’re all being taken by bus to a Red Cross disaster center. Everyone is in shock as we collect our baggage and load it onto the buses. Five planes have landed in Lincoln. That’s a lot of people.

On the way to the shelter, Jason and I talk about the irony of ending up in Lincoln, which is his hometown. He was born here and lived in Lincoln until he was 7 and moved to Virginia.

The shelter is in a church basement. They feed us pizza and provide a couple televisions to watch CNN. I call my boss and tell him I probably won’t be at work tomorrow.

Eventually, the folks from United tell us we’re all going to be given rooms at the Cornhusker Hotel. The passengers are trying to stay calm and be polite to one another. In front of the hotel, there’s a long wait to be given room keys. We stand waiting, in shock, with our bags.

Finally, we’re given the keys to our room. By the time we reach it I feel like I’m going to have a panic attack. I only brought enough medication for the trip, and ran out last night thinking it was no big deal because we were on our way home. Now I need my meds badly and am not doing well emotionally. The stress of the day is causing me to feel like I’m on the edge of panic.

Jason has an aunt and uncle in Lincoln. He gets their phone number and gives them a call. They’ve already been given a heads up that we’re in Lincoln by Jason’s mom. They make plans to come over and have dinner with us.

I’m glad to meet his aunt and uncle, Joanna and Don, and we try to have as normal a dinner as possible with them. It’s great to have such a pleasant diversion, but the circumstances are so crazy none of us can believe it.

We spend our first evening in Lincoln drinking heavily in the bar while watching CNN.

In the morning we have another whole day and night stretching before us, because it doesn’t look like we’re going to be leaving soon. Jason and I stroll around the streets of Lincoln, and walk down to the University of Nebraska bookstore to pick up a few souvenirs. He’s a huge Huskers fan.

The second evening we drink too much again. It seems like the only thing to do to handle the situation. Jason even smokes one of my cigarettes. That’s when you know things are bad, when Jason smokes a fucking cigarette.

We’re doing the best we can. The amount of news we’re watching is too much for me. I need to hang out in the room at times to stop being bombarded with images of the collapsing towers.

Finally, after a couple nights in Lincoln, we’re taken to the airport to fly to our next destination, San Francisco. Sadly, we hadn’t been on a direct flight to Los Angeles. Only flights which had been diverted are allowed to fly today. Once our plane’s in the air, everyone’s in a jubilant mood. We’re finally on our way!

In San Francisco, we’re taken to another hotel. I’ve been having trouble sleeping without my medication, and am struggling to hold myself together. The next morning, we arrive at the airport to see two thousand people waiting to fly out. It’s awful. If I had a gun I’d blow my head off right now. We wait in line for what feels like an eternity, and have to run to the gate to make our flight to Los Angeles. I would’ve broken down in tears if we’d missed it. The stress is crippling me.

At Los Angeles International Airport, we can’t wait to get off the plane. We practically run down to the baggage claim where my mom is waiting to pick us up. I give her a big hug, I’m so glad to see her I could cry. Jason and I have never been so glad to be in Los Angeles.

When we get home to our apartment, our cat, Merlin, is a mess. It takes us a few minutes to realize Merlin is acting crazy. It appears he’s sick.

I collapse on the floor and cry. I can’t handle one more thing. Merlin is the straw that breaks the camel’s back. I need to go to bed, to enjoy being at home. I can’t go to the vet. I cry and yell I can’t fucking take anymore! Jason says it’s okay; he’ll take Merlin to the vet.

I’m so grateful and relieved with his ability to keep his shit together when I can’t. I take two Klonopins and my other medication and go into our bedroom to relax. Merlin is fine; he’d been having an anxiety attack, just like me.

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Tagged as: 9/11, excerpt, family, Jason, lincoln, magical shrinking, merlin, nebraska, tragic